chicago, fear, freaking out, lessons, men, moods, reflections, relationships

on the things I don’t want to admit

I've spent much of the past 12 hours trying to sleep/sleeping fitfully/having bad dreams or crying/holding back tears. The remainder has consisted of trying to pretend I'm strong when I'm falling apart inside; attempting to convince myself that my life hasn't been a complete waste of effort; and arguing with airline employees that I deserve… Continue reading on the things I don’t want to admit

depression, fear, lessons, moods, NYC, reflections

on the things I’ve learned living in NYC for 1,529 days (and in reminiscence of my 43rd birthday)

There are moments when you want to give up. There are times when you will give up—temporarily: hiding out in your bedroom and bingeing on Netflix and Amazon Prime and briefly wondering whether blogging about watching the entire Criterion Collection (384 films) in one go is a worthy enterprise; the guys at the local deli… Continue reading on the things I’ve learned living in NYC for 1,529 days (and in reminiscence of my 43rd birthday)

depression, health, lessons, moods, pain, reflections

on accepting the unacceptable

When you're prescribed pain medication after a surgery, everyone tells you to take it on a schedule even if you're not currently hurting, before the pain starts up again, because otherwise it's nearly impossible to get on top of it. I find it's the same with almost everything painful in life. It's why we say we've have… Continue reading on accepting the unacceptable

depression, moods, pain, reflections

on the unpredictable nature of almost everything in my life

Depression is a fickle asshole. As is the case with most everything else that affects me: fibromyalgia, chronic migraines, access to medical care, insomnia, etc. etc. etc., ad infinitum. I wish I could drink, not because I think it wouldn't cause more problems than it would solve, but because at least for a little while… Continue reading on the unpredictable nature of almost everything in my life