Death, grieving, Jack, love, memories, reflections, relationships, transformations

this is what the eve of the 2,400th day feels like

Today would have been Jack's 55th birthday. Many years ago—I can't give you a specific number; grief is like that, almost like a magic trick, poof! taking things away while you aren't remembering to notice—I stopped pretending I had any idea what we'd be doing if he were still alive. In fact, I stopped allowing… Continue reading this is what the eve of the 2,400th day feels like

babies, grieving, love, mothering, pain, reflections, sex

on phantom pains from my uterus

It's been years—nearly a decade, really—since any rational thought to have another child has seemed worthy of consideration. At first (in my late 20s, early 30s, the years it might have been practical) the reasons tumbled like a snowball gaining both mass and momentum: I didn't want two under three or four or five; I… Continue reading on phantom pains from my uterus

dating, Death, grieving, Jack, love, pain, relationships

on good will hunting, robin williams, and loss & love

I've always loved Good Will Hunting, since it came out, for a multitude of reasons: an identification with the genius misunderstood kid from a blue-collar home who felt no other choice but to hide his talents (albeit in a much more clandestine way then I even had to; I needed only to minimize things in… Continue reading on good will hunting, robin williams, and loss & love