chicago, fear, freaking out, lessons, men, moods, reflections, relationships

on the things I don’t want to admit

I've spent much of the past 12 hours trying to sleep/sleeping fitfully/having bad dreams or crying/holding back tears. The remainder has consisted of trying to pretend I'm strong when I'm falling apart inside; attempting to convince myself that my life hasn't been a complete waste of effort; and arguing with airline employees that I deserve… Continue reading on the things I don’t want to admit

changes, depression, fear, freaking out, pain

on the middle of the story

So when we went to housing court earlier this year after we found ourselves in the midst of an illegal sublet situation (unbeknownst to us before we were served with a holdover petition), I was able to negotiate a deal for us to stay in our apartment rent-free until the end of September with an… Continue reading on the middle of the story

changes, fear, freaking out, frugality, moods, poverty

on being nearly spent, finished, over this whole “trying” thing

It's nearly 3am, and I've no business writing anything much less what's about to come out. But I feel it needs saying, if only because every time I say it out loud there seems to be a subsequent shift in the universe, as though the Internet somehow has a direct connection to my fate in… Continue reading on being nearly spent, finished, over this whole “trying” thing

fear, freaking out, grieving, Jack, pain

sorrow, misery, sadness, anguish, pain, and 1,447 other words for grief

No one tells you, when you're small and immune to the intricacies of true loss, that grief never ends. Perhaps it's because when you're five and your first puppy dies and the pain feels interminable things change so quickly and growing-up happens in such a flash that life's rapidity obscures how sad you are that… Continue reading sorrow, misery, sadness, anguish, pain, and 1,447 other words for grief