fear, lessons, NYC, poverty, trying new things

on my prolonged silence

Side note before I begin: The Case of the Missing Laptop has been solved, but I’ll refrain from naming the perpetrator until s/he is in police custody to avoid encouraging fleeing from the law. If you know who it is already, please do not reveal this information in the comments. Believe me, I will be blogging about this when the individual is in the Tombs. And gleefully so. 

In any case, the situation with my roommate has gone from bad to worse. She’s moved out, making her my ex-roommate, but in doing so absolved herself of all responsibility for replacing a “lost in the mail” money order that would have allowed me to stay in the apartment until the end of the month. For two weeks she’s been telling me there’s been a delay in replacing the money order, but today it came out that, no, she had some money stolen from her so she needed the (including MY) money to help her with her own life.

[Note the irony of her not caring about my “personal issues”—my laptop stolen when her boyfriend was the only one with keys to the apartment and subsequent loss of my main source of income because I missed deadlines (for the first time ever in four years) since I had no way to write articles until my new computer arrived—but when she has “personal issues” she can “borrow” my money without my permission… to the extent that it, as you will see, completely screws up my life.]

I came home Sunday night/Monday morning at 3:30am to find she’d moved out. And it dawned on me that she no longer had any incentive to pay that rent (we were allowed to stay through 11/15 without paying it). I frantically called the landlord the next morning between my classes but it was too late. The marshal had already been called. They still hadn’t received the money by the 15th, which is what they would have needed, so I was told to expect a visit from the marshal that day.

He/she still hasn’t come (the detective on my laptop case said they may not come until after Thanksgiving, as they don’t like evicting people over the holiday, which is when my eviction would happen if I had been served on Monday or Tuesday).

Anyhow, I’ve been working frantically (no one is booking with me, though I had photos taken via a Groupon that turned out wonderfully, so I think that may change, fingers crossed!) trying to scrape up the money to get my stuff into storage ($500 for that + the U-Haul) while I sleep & shower at work (we’re open until 3am and I can sleep during down times, and find somewhere else to go during the hours we are closed). I had a different plan for when we/I could extend for Nov & Dec (which was an option that my now-ex-roommate screwed up); now I have to scramble to create an entirely different plan, and I’m not happy about that. Plus, it looks like I had hundreds of dollars stolen from me. That doesn’t feel the greatest, coming on the tail end of having my laptop stolen.

Anyhow, I’m not writing because I’m too busy trying to stay alive (and not entirely doing the best job at that–I’ve lost 30 pounds in 3 months simply because I’m only eating a halfway real meal once a day…partially because the stress makes me nauseated every time I try to eat, partially because I’m broke, so meal replacement bars have once again become my friend).

I don’t like being back at the beginning. Well, not really. Because I’ve made progress. Just not the sort I was hoping for. At least I’m spiralling outward instead of inward. I hope.

It’s neither expected nor necessary, but if you read this and are wondering how you can help, I have a Square Cash account at https://cash.me/$YellowbirdCreative and my Venmo is @yellowbird73. I also always appreciate comments offering moral support, which often go farther toward keeping me going than monetary donations, as they remind me that I’m not crazy for thinking I can survive being a little person in this city made for and by giants.