December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leoni Allan)
I’m beginning to grow tired of all of these prompts reminding me of Jack. Then again, Jack’s death is the one thing I’ve had to really work through in 2010…and the one thing I hope has had the worst worked through by the time the New Year rolls around. (Yes, I realize it’s wishful thinking, the idea that in 13 days I’ll magically be through the worst. But I do have wholehearted faith that when 2011 ends, I will be able to look back and see that the year has been remarkably different than 2010 in terms of my thoughts of Jack.)
Anyhow. What has healed me this year is time. And, as time is wont to do, it has healed me gradually. There is no such thing as grief healed suddenly, or at least I’ve not heard of it.
In the coming year, I’d like to be healed by faith and by remembering — no, realizing and actualizing — what Harold Kushner says: that God’s language is people. I hope that my investigation and (probable but not definite) conversion to Judaism will help heal my soul’s wounds and turn me into a direction in which I will learn to speak (and listen to) God’s language rather than relying solely on the passage of time to make things better. I’m starting in that direction; to be further healed, I need to take further steps. And, as with everything spiritually vital in my life, I’m certain it will be a process rather than a revelation.