old (2010), Uncategorized

wisdom

December 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

The wisest thing I did this year was to enter into grief therapy. I had reached a point in dealing with Jack’s death where I could either get help or continue to sink deeper until the only help would be from a mental institution. No one really understood my grief or why I wasn’t getting better (least of all me), and after six months I decided it was time for help.

I can’t — and won’t — say that it magically changed everything, though I did “graduate” from grief therapy a few weeks ago. Sometimes, when I try and share my grief with people, they suggest I enter grief therapy, and I’m a little taken aback, thinking, “They should’ve seen me before I got help.” But I’ve come to realize these people are just trying to help, doing the best they can, and offering what they think will make things better. The only person I know who doesn’t do these things is my friend Ed, whose daughter died two-and-a-half years ago. He knows that time is really the only thing that helps. Time and a connection with a higher power or god or the universe or something.

“How it played out,” then: the grief is more comprehensible. I (mostly) understand why I feel the way I do without feeling embarrassed or silly or overemotional. I know that people don’t let me down on purpose but because they don’t know how to handle with something so big and so devastating. Unless they have, and that’s why I’m grateful for Ed. I have a feeling that, one day, I’ll be someone’s Ed, and then all of this suffering and walking through this process will mean something more than my growing up and becoming human.

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