old (2010), Uncategorized

one word

I’m participating in Reverb 10 to reflect upon my life — and figure out what comes next — during the month of December. Today’s prompt is December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

The word for 2010 would have to be “tumultuous.” Only three weeks into 2010, Jack died…and my world turned upside down. As the year ends, I’m not sure it’s been righted. There have been moments in which I’ve felt such extreme joy and peacefulness followed my moments in which my deepest griefs come to light. It has felt much like a roller coaster — fear and uncertainty and lulls and relief, over and over. I know it will end, and at some point I’ll get off this ride — or, at the least, I will get on increasingly less scary rides — and in that I have extreme and enduring faith. So maybe the word for 2010 would be “faith,” or somesuch decision. But, no, “tumultuous” works just fine.

I hope 2011 will be the opposite of “tumultuous” — whatever that may be. Peace? Contentedness? An even keel? Maybe I hope I can learn how to handle the roller coaster without my stomach dropping out when each dip begins. Most of all, I hope I can continue to learn how to live without Jack in the world. But there isn’t really a word for that, is there?

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2 thoughts on “one word”

  1. I found you through Reverb 10. I'm so glad I did. I can't imagine what you are going through. But your grief struck a chord with my grief and I teared up and felt like I had to say hello. My experience is that the roller coaster never fully stops – but the lows aren't quite so low, the grief becomes manageable and for the most part you lose the "I'm crazy" feeling when your not sure how you are supposed to move forward. Again, that is just my experience, and I know everyone deals with grief in their own way. But what you can have faith in, is that you will find that way. hugs to you my dear.

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  2. Thank you for your comment — I have seen some relief thus far, and I know from talking with others that more is on its way, sooner or later. The one-year anniversary of Jack's death is coming soon, and while I try not to think too far ahead… I'm going to make plans with friends for that night, so I won't be alone. Again, thank you. 🙂

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