old (2010), Uncategorized

gratitude

I’ve spent too much time beating myself up for not achieving things I thought I’d have accomplished by now. Conversely, I’ve spent not enough energy being grateful for all the blessings I have today that I never thought I’d receive. In 2008, I practiced gratitude on a daily basis, and somehow I’ve fallen out of that habit. I’ve been lulled into thinking that losing 30 pounds or getting my dream job or working my way out of crippling debt — among other tangible, difficult things — are key to “making it” in some fictitious framework I’ve built in my mind. But what it comes down to is this: I’ve already “made it” in the ways that matter. I’m content with my life, while aware of the things that need working-upon, and I’m able to love and be loved. The bills and the crappy car and the unstable job situation and the dozens of other things that could make up a list of unhappy things in my life? They’re just distractions that prevent me from remembering where I started at, and just how far I’ve come.

All which is to say: I have a lovely life today. Not pain- or trouble-free, but lovely. And in addition to my night-time meditation and prayer, that’s going to be on my mind when I go to sleep from now on. Because who can be unhappy when she has a lovely life?

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