I came home today to find:
- the 30-Day Shred DVD I ordered;
- the Benefit lipgloss I bought online;
- a hospital bill from my trip to the ER last month;
- a “namaste” decal for my van; and
- a note from my downstairs neighbor.
The note, which was clipped to a Walgreens register coupon for Lysol disinfectant, read, in its entirety:
Ms. H**, Here is a coupon to buy something to take care of the foul smell coming from your apartment. Keep your filth to yourself — don’t spread it around!
OK. I want to make it clear. I have no foul smells in my apartment. I have the world’s most sensitive nose, and if there were ANY smells — foul or otherwise — I’d be the first to know. And I’m having a bad enough day already — not even including the fact that I said I’d start the 30-day shred when the DVD came in the mail and the minute I saw it I was already making excuses (well, it’s really too late to start TODAY…) — that I didn’t need a shitty untrue note from my neighbor in which she accuses me of being a smelly filthy person. But still. I figured it was best to do the right thing rather than start a war with a little old lady whom I sometimes have to push up the stairs from behind. So I wrote back (attaching her initial note and the coupon):
Thank you for your concern, but I assure you that there are no foul smells emanating from my apartment. You are welcome to visit to confirm this, if you would like (I am usually home during the day). I suggest you ask your other neighbors, if you haven’t already, and contact the landlord, as perhaps there is something amiss with your plumbing. I wish you the best of luck in figuring out this problem, as I imagine it’s quite frustrating. Best, Ms. H***
And now? I just hope she doesn’t take me up on my offer. It might mean that I have to put away my laundry (which, I should note for the record, smells quite lovely). Namaste.