I have unsuccessfully attempted the following dating strategies over the past year:
- dating out of convenience (“hey, he’s the only one around!”);
- dating out of a desire to reclaim misspent youth (“he’s only seven years younger…and so what if he doesn’t have a job?);
- dating someone because of a supposedly spiritual connection (“we aren’t having sex because we’re doing this right this time”);
- dating for the social credit (“if I date him, then my standing will go up in this community”); and
- dating out of boredom (“really, is there anything better to do?”).
It occurred to me his afternoon — or, really, last night, as I was looking at the Date and Dash options and saw one of them was ONLY for folks with at least an MA — that it would be infinitely more fun (and, one would hope, satisfying), if I actually dated:
- people with similar intellectual capital (so to speak);
- people who enjoy doing the same things I do (literary events, plays, indie concerts & films, etc.);
- people who are successful at what they do (not necessarily materially but definitely spiritually) and/or have already figured out what they want to be when they grow up; and
- people who know not only what postmodernism is but also why the (right-wing) media portrayal of the entire subject is both tiresome and inaccurate.
Since I’ve finished grad school — with not one, but two, MAs — I’ve not dated a single person who even had a college degree. And every man I’ve dated for the past 10 years? I’ve made more money than they did. (And I don’t make THAT much. And I don’t care if you make squat as long as you’re passionate about what you do — but none of them were.) Something made me think, today, that perhaps it’s because I didn’t think I deserved anything more. (Not that blue-collar or non-degreed folks are “less” — just that there is a lack of a shared experience that has proved problematic.) I think (mostly due to my childhood, during which my parents wouldn’t let me talk at all about my intellectual accomplishments) I’ve spent a lot of time downplaying who and what I am, and that needs to stop. So, then, the rules are updated:
- If you want to ride this carousel, you’ve got to take some action to make it happen. No free rides.
- Paying customer or no, permission to ride the carousel is solely at the discretion of the operator. (That would be me.)
More, I am sure, to come, as I muddle my way through this whole “being true to myself” thing. (Note: as I write this in my flannel nightie and fluffy slipper socks, I’m enjoying life quite immensely. I heart myself.)