old (2009), Uncategorized

hanging in there

Life goes on, even with a broken heart that’s been smashed further by the weight of addiction, anger, and hopelessness. No one’s heard from J. since Sunday. He’s not showing up at meetings, and both his door and his phone remain unanswered. And though I know this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the choices he’s made and continues to make, I find myself overcome with a penetrating and distinct sadness that someone I loved so much has fallen into such a deep, deep hole. I am asking for help, seeking out safe spaces, and praying to be changed in ways I cannot even imagine. Still, there are moments I wish I were endowed with godliness and could reach down and bring him into the light. I think — I hope! — this means I’m human and have the capacity to love despite the risk and fear of pain. Namaste.