old (2008), Uncategorized

le sigh

Whenever I’m coming down with an illness more significant than a few sniffles and sneezes, I start getting grumpy 24-36 hours in advance. And so given that I’ve had body aches and a slight sense of nausea for the past 18 hours, there is a possibility that my recent annoyance and irritation with J. is a direct result of my Pre-Sickness Syndrome (PSS). However, there is also a possibility that I’m simply losing my patience about the situation, my compassion for his pain, and my ability to deal with another human being.

We’ve been dating for a bit over three months now, and during that time period we haven’t progressed past, oh, second base — not a huge deal in itself, but add that to the fact that J. is in constant pain (about which he does almost nothing), is frequently grumpy (because of the pain), and occasionally old man-ish in his comments, attitudes, and tastes… well, I’m beginning to get irked. Last night I actually had a desire to break up with him during The Snow Queen intermission. And I’ve been dreaming the past few nights — those complex disturbing dreams I have when I’m grappling with uncomfortable things during my waking hours — and, twice, have woken up in the midst of a panic attack. In case I’m not being clear, none of these things are good.

So, then, this is either PSS or I need to break up with J. — or I need to find a way of dealing with relationship conflicts and failed expectations that doesn’t entail running away as quickly as I can. For now, though? I’m going to go home and change into my flannel PJs and comfy slipper socks, order a cheeseless pizza, eat some Pop Tarts, and watch disc one of season four of House, M.D. while lying on the couch. Because, you see, time doesn’t only heal all wounds, but it allows our psychological paper cuts time to either fester into something real or clear up on their own…


2 thoughts on “le sigh”

Comments are closed.