You know how the first time you take off riding a bike on your own, your dad (or mom) lets go, and you’re doing it, you’re riding on your own, you’re balancing, you’re not crashing, and… holy crap!… you’re riding a bike… what the hell?!?!… and then… you fall because you become too self-conscious? That’s kinda how I feel tonight about my sobriety. One year? Are you kidding me? This is the longest I’ve gone since I was, oh, 12 or 13 without having a drink. I need to get more used to the idea of riding without training wheels.
I really like The Tan Man, and — as a direct result of my schoolgirl crush on a man, oh, at least 18 or 19 years my senior — I’m starting to act like a complete idiot around him. Some days I shouldn’t be let out of the house. Or at least not without a muzzle. And possibly tranquilizer darts for when I get ahead of myself.
Since I’ve come back from NYC, I’ve barely heard from jj. I’m trying to be okay with that. I gave it what I could, and that wasn’t enough, unless he’s just biding his time to tell me how infatuated he is. Generally speaking, though, guys who are really into someone don’t hide it. Sigh.
This fall-like weather is exciting. I love my fall clothing — fishnet stockings and mini skirts and boots and funky jackets coupled with the ability to wear makeup without it melting off my face in about four seconds. It almost makes up for the fact that I am boyfriendless.
I spent 45 minutes online today, researching anti-aging skincare products. Most of them involve some form of retinol which, of course, makes you more sensitive to the sun. The irony isn’t lost on me that I’m waiting to order said products until sunbathing season is over.
I’m going on a sober cruise this Saturday. I’m already obsessing about wearing the perfect outfit. Why? Because every single man in my social circle is going to be there, and — of course — this is my chance to demonstrate how fabulous I am. (Note to self: have The Sassy Blonde bring a tranquilizer gun…)