This doesn’t mean I don’t think I need the program anymore — I totally do! I know this! — but that I do know I can be okay by doing the right things (meditating, talking to people in the program, doing my daily readings, praying, being mindful, etc.) when I can’t make it to a meeting.
On a similar note, something has shifted in my perception of this city. I’ve tended to walk around and wallow in the realization that this is only a place I visit, and it will continue to be a place I can only visit for some time to come. [At the very least, I have to stay in Chicago until Renegade finishes high school, which is five years from now.] But two things occurred to me yesterday as I was walking twenty blocks round-trip to buy a cupcake and a slice of pizza (NYC does that sort of thing to my capacity for rational decision-making):
- Since my job allows me to work from wherever I want, there is nothing stopping me from spending my entire summers in NYC from now until when I can actually move here for good; and
- Having these positive feelings about this city should serve as an impetus for taking the steps to reach my goal of moving here: streamlining my life, saving up enough money, and generally cultivating the sort of artistic/writerly inner life that I’d want before making the move.
And so I feel less depressed about this situation now. The end goal? Moving to NYC. The interim goal? Spending my summers — and vacations, and random weekends, and lots of other times — in NYC. I can’t think of a better compromise.
I wanted to wake up early this morning (ha!) and walk around Central Park, but it’s not working out that way (surprise, surprise). So, instead… I’m working at the hotel a bit, getting ready to eat a yummy breakfast (granola, soy yogurt, fresh blueberries, watermelon, and coffee), then grabbing my bags to head to Sheep Meadow for relaxing in the sun and book-reading before traveling to my next hotel in Tribeca. And later tonight? It’s Wilco in Brooklyn. Yay!