Went to the Hard Rock Hotel w/The Sassy Blonde
Where a midget glommed onto me
Okay, so he wasn't a midget
Just really, really short
But his wife was "out of town"
Or maybe he was getting divorced
The story kept changing.
I got a tattoo for free
Because that's how we roll
And we met lots of drunk guys
Who reminded us why we're sober
As did the plethora of sloppy drunk girls.
We took photo booth pictures
With a machine that also spit out condoms
Which went haywire at some point
And condoms were everywhere.
We had the world's best coffee
The name of which I've forgotten
But I'll find out today, when we go back
For free manicures and haircuts and swag bags.
Despite promises of famous people,
We didn't see anyone recognizable
Though I did run into — literally
A guy from The Real World 4 years ago
Which I never watched, so whatever.
Meanwhile, my tattoo really hurts.
I can't wait to go back.
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