old (2008), Uncategorized

a not-so-average monday afternoon

If you saw a woman in a blue bikini running down Sheridan Road between Greenleaf and Touhy around 4:12pm today, chasing after a Polish woman and her husband and child, stopping at some point to flag down a Cook County Sheriff’s officer, that would have been me. Said Polish woman dumped a bucket of sand over Rebel’s head after her son kicked sand in Rebel’s face and then he chased the boy around the Loyola Park playground a bit.

When I confronted her, she said, “He deserved it,” and when I replied, “You’re a grown woman, he’s a little boy, it might be time to call the police,” she all of a sudden “no speak English” and stood up to leave, at which point I held her down for a bit before she punched me in the stomach, and then proceded to leave the Loyola Park playground to walk down Sheridan to the parking lot at Touhy Avenue. She tried to get on the #151 bus, but I put her in a headlock and said, “You are damn well not getting on that bus,” and so she kept walking, I kept chasing, and then the sheriff’s car was there and — soon after — a pair of very nice police officers.

Meanwhile, Renegade and Rebel were wandering around the beach motherless, Park District employees telling them, “your mom went after that bad woman,” and I think their basic reaction was, “oh boy, mom’s in Wonder Woman mode again…” They called The Philosopher, which probably wasn’t the best thing considering he already thinks I’m a completely irresponsible parent, but once I located the boys and brought them to where the cops were — so Rebel could file the police report (!) — I explained the situation to him, he talked to the cops on the phone himself, and all was well.

We decided not to have her arrested today, but we’ve got 72 hours to change our minds, at which point we can head down to the police station at Belmont and Western and have a warrant issued. She’s visiting from Poland, so the chances of her ever being held responsible for her behavior are nil, but that’s beside the point.

When we were sitting waiting for the Polish translator, I said to the boys, “You know if anyone tries to hurt you, ever, I’d do that and more in a heartbeat,” and they looked at me like, “duh! of course you would, because that’s you” and that felt good. Because I totally would. I would kill for those boys. That Polish woman just didn’t know the extent to which I’ll go to protect my children.


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