old (2008), Uncategorized

too much talking

Between a therapy session today that kicked my ass + dinner with The Sassy Blonde & The Sober Dad, I’m of the mindset that sometimes you can talk too much about deep-seated issues and, therefore, make them even more difficult to let go of. I feel weepy and emotionally hung over, and I can’t decide whether to cry or meditate or take a bath or pray or read or watch the next disc of Weeds (or perhaps even the second season of Sex and the City, which I found for only $10 today at Reckless Records).

Sometimes, life as a sober person gets really fucking hard, and I hate feeling stuck. I know — for a fact, I know — that this will all pass, maybe sooner or maybe later, but a week from now I’ll look back at Thursday July 10th at 11:52pm and I won’t be able to remember why, exactly, it felt so impossible to live in the moment, accept things (and people) for what (and who) they are, and be generally grateful.

Sigh.

What I’ll do, when I stop feeling beaten down and defeated for a few seconds: I will pray and I will meditate. I will not take a bath, because the tub is dingy and I don’t have the energy to clean. I will watch an episode of Weeds (as I just remembered I left SATC in the car), and then I will read, and throughout it all I will endeavor to muster up some gratitude, which tonight includes the blessing of having friends with whom to share chocolate cake and Pellegrino and hummus and beet-and-strawberry salads while pouring out my soul and asking for help.

Namaste.

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