old (2008), Uncategorized

headache, day four

I went to the meeting this morning fed up with life and sick of being in the program. Within five minutes of being there, I was asked to give a lead Friday at 11am. Sometimes God moments fill the void. Other times, they annoy the shit out of me.

It may be is time to head to the spa for a detox. Given the next few days, it can’t hurt — I’ve got comprehensive exams (which I skipped/failed last year due to the pregnancy), a good deal of work to catch up on, commitments at meetings, the boys on Saturday night, doctor’s appointments, therapy and summer school starting on Wednesday (with my syllabus and course outline yet to be written). Of course — as always — I need to remember none of these things are ones I HAVE to do… they are choices I have made and in alignment with values I hold. That being said, my instinct is to say “screw my exams” and ignore my health, take lots of bubble baths, and curl up on the couch with my boyfriend and watch movies for five days.

As it turns out, I’m a fairly lazy and unmotivated person, and I need to keep myself on track by doing the things that need to be done, or else I might as well throw up my hands and give up entirely. And, really, that’s not an option — I’ll take a four-day-long headache and a little bit of angst if it means I’m hobbling a decent life for myself out of the messy materials I’ve been given.