old (2008), Uncategorized

shoulda coulda woulda

I should…

…have gotten up at 7:30am — when The Green-Eyed Boy served his daily wake-up call — but I had a killer headache and instead went back to bed until after 10am, only narrowly making it to the house in time for the 11am meeting.

…be working today, but instead I’m taking the day (though not tonight) off to catch up on my Google Reader, relax, nap, finish watching Lonesome Dove, and finally make it to the antique store on Damen Avenue.

…balance my checkbook, pay my electric bill, and figure out how much I owe to get my car and renter’s insurance up to date, but instead I’m surfing Craigslist for kitschy things to buy for my new apartment.

…start looking for a new sponsor (since I fired my old one), but I’m having a fine time following the recommendations of a (female) old-timer, who said, “don’t tell anyone you’re looking… just sit and keep your ears open and you will know when you’ve found her.”

…put more effort into unpacking boxes rather than hiding them in closets, but I’m just a tad bit tired of trying to sort things out and I’m willing to admit and accept (for now) that things only look organized and put-together on the surface.

…write the syllabus and semester lesson plans for the class I start teaching in less than two weeks, but part of me wants to see what the students know already before deciding and telling them what they need to learn.

…quit my teaching job for next year, because I can live quite well on my full-time job, but the part of me that thinks walking away is always a weakness wants to hang on.

…call to get my Internet and cable hooked up, but I’ve been doing just fine not watching six or seven hours of television every day, so this may be a turn for the better.

…not be thinking so much about chocolate and chocolate vegan cake and chocolate cookies, but I’m only on Day Six of the Chocolate Reduction Plan and, well, it’s not so easy to forget about chocolate.

***

In truth and honesty and reality, I could have done any of these things, and I would have done them if they were really all that necessary and important, but today I am able to sort out my shoulds and coulds and woulds in ways that keep me sane. I am at peace today, even if (and despite that) my To Do list takes on an entirely difference character every single day. Anxiety and worry have left the building (for now, at least), and I do not miss them in the least.

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