I’m thinking of flying home early, on Monday instead of Tuesday, depending on the cost… though there is part of me that thinks doing so would be me escaping, not showing up, being a coward, not wanting to walk through fear and instead high-tailing it back to the land of comfort, distance, and disconnection. So maybe I’ll stay and call it a spiritual learning experience.
Speaking of which, it occurred to me that I might want to start going to church. Not the Catholic church of my youth — uh, no thanks — but perhaps a Unitarian church or a Buddhist temple. I’ve been doing a lot of spiritual seeking as of late, and reading a lot of spiritual writing, and I feel pulled in that direction. I don’t know that I’ve had a full-out born-again experience like Anne Lamott, but something has shifted in me — and I am still an atheist, in the sense that I do not believe in a God the Creator, but I am also discovering something in and around me that I cannot explain in any other way than to say it is divine and it is grace and it is love and it is everywhere, and I want to learn how to live a life filled with and surrounded by that.
And, oh, I miss The Green-Eyed Boy.