old (2008), Uncategorized

eight years & random thoughts

An interchange with my therapist this morning:

ME: With all the home decorating shows and looking at paint chips and being excited about my new apartment, I feel as though I’m turning into the stereotypical single woman in her mid-30s who lives alone with her cat and buys frilly bed linens.

THERAPIST: Do we need to start bringing a mirror into therapy to remind you what you look like?

***

My grandmother died eight years ago today. This year has been easier than years past, but there still isn’t a day that I don’t miss her. Mostly I get sad when I think about how much she would have loved seeing Rebel and Renegade grow up. And she never even met Rebel, a fact that reminds me that an entire little boy’s lifetime has passed since she’s been gone.

***

I measured my new apartment today. This involved going to Target for a tape measure, and I didn’t quite realize how paralyzed I would feel by the pressure to decide between 12′ and 16′ lengths. Nonetheless, the measuring itself went well, and I’m starting to get a better idea of how I’ll arrange things to my liking. Really, as long as my vintage Formica table fits in the eat-in kitchen, everything else is pretty much negotiable. And it does, so there you have it.

***

My feet still hurt, but I’m able to drive. Or at least I’ve been driving. Ability is a matter of perspective, I suppose.

***

I’m going to the doctor next week to find out whether I have cancer and, if so, whether I’ll be keeping all of my internal female organs. It’s funny how I don’t want any more children, but the idea of having the option taken away from me isn’t settling so well. Also, I think I’m way too young to be dealing with this. I’ve already had a freakin’ brain tumor — hasn’t the universe screwed with me enough over the past few years?

***

Looks like another trip to NYC is in order for May. More details soon, or as soon as I figure them out myself. Knowing me, this may be at the last minute.

***

Texas is little more than three weeks away. It’s funny, but I’ve never been to Dallas, nor have I been to Denton, which is where my brother lives and also where I’ll be staying with my brother’s friend Tim (and Tim’s wife, Amy), whom I met when his band toured here last fall. And there are promises of lots of good live music — knowing my brother and Tim, I’m sure I will not be disappointed. I’m a little less enthusiastic about running into my mother, father, and sister.

***

I’ve done so little work over the past week that I’m ashamed of myself. Today is the day to get back into the swing of things. Although it’s almost 2:30pm and I haven’t even opened my work email, so perhaps that’s ambitious of me.

***

I’ll spare you the details of how I accomplished the task of shaving my legs last night, but suffice it to say that it wasn’t particularly attractive. The end result, more so.

***

It’s time to come clean: I’ve been watching Rock of Love 2 all along. And I was oh-so-happy when Ambre won, but mostly because Daisy made me want to strangle random 25-year-old rock groupie strippers with fake breasts and bad, bad eyebrows. Seriously, she was a bitch.

***

There has been an overabundance of pie consumption in my household over the past 72 hours. If this continues, I may need an intervention.

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