old (2008), Uncategorized

aliens have invaded my home

Because it was only $7.99 on clearance at Drugstore.com (who, for whatever reason, now sells children’s games), I bought a Cranium Giggle Gear Mega Mask along with a spur-of-the-moment order of hair pomade, cuticle cream, eyeshadow, and mascara*. It includes alien, bug, and monster parts, along with this voice transformer thingie (I’m sure there’s a technical term for it, but I wouldn’t know) that simultaneously makes them sound extremely awesome and become terribly annoying, which I suppose is the hallmark of any children’s toy worth purchasing. This is why I spend a great deal of times on my headphones listening to iTunes while they are playing here — if something serious is happening or there is a skirmish they cannot resolve themselves, the volume level increases to the point where I notice, but otherwise it’s a continuous lesson in compromise and conflict resolution.

Rebel was the funnier of the two when he first put on the mask, because if he pulled it up high enough that his ears weren’t squished, it was smashed his nose, and in order to avoid smashing his nose, his ears were hurting. Therefore, he was walking around with the voice transformer sounding like an alien saying “discomfort! discomfort! discomfort!” (No one ever said my kids aren’t nerds.)

The mask fit Renegade much better, and in fact he probably could have spent all afternoon trying out various things to say, many of which involve scatalogical humor and therefore amuse me much less than they do his younger brother. I think the first thing that made me realize I would never, ever understand men was the fact that all boys seem to have a thing for poop, fart, and pee jokes — and anyone who spent even five minutes of his childhood fascinated by these things would forever be at least 5% incomprehensible to me.

* I run out of toilet paper on a regular basis, but have enough makeup to offer makeovers to every woman within a two-mile radius of Lincoln Square. This is remarkable only in that I spend less than five minutes on any given day applying makeup and often don’t wear much of any. Ah, well.