old (2008), Uncategorized

live from abq (aka random sh**)

1. The ball fell off my right lip piercing as I was waiting to deplane in ABQ, inspiring all sorts of panic. I texted Slavegirl to see if she had insight on how to fix it (her basic vibe: best leave it to the professionals) and then called Sax Man, who quickly went to work on finding a place for me to visit. And I finally got there and the piercing guy was weird. Like, uh, mix Eminem with missing teeth and the Eric Stolz character from Pulp Fiction and add a dash of “white trash ghetto” and you’ll get a clue. But, you know, he was nice, and he helped me out for free (I did give him a $10 tip), and so who cares if he was a little off? Not me, that’s who.

2. I love traveling because it’s an excuse to buy all sorts of magazines to read on the plane that I wouldn’t be caught dead with in my house. Well, except for Lucky, which I probably wouldn’t mind having around, but I don’t think I need any more shopping tips than the ones I already possess in my pretty little head. But anyhow… in today’s case: People and Cosmo. I only got to the former, though, before I couldn’t keep me eyes open and fell asleep until I landed in ABQ. I can’t wait to get to Cosmo so I can find out if sex has changed since the last time I had it. Because, you know, it just might have.

3. I’ve had 12 hours of sleep since Sunday, and it’s now 1am here and I’m not that tired. I still haven’t written the paper I’m presenting Friday morning, but that’s okay. There is likely to be lots of partying tomorrow night after dinner, and Jake said he’d just take a cab back to the hotel if I felt like skipping out on it, and so I think I might just do that. I’ll hang out for a while but come back when things get crazy, crank out my paper, and get a good night’s sleep for a change. We’ll see.

4. I ended up scoring a convertible Mustang for my time here, and it is awesome. Jake and I had the top down and even though it was a tad bit chilly, I’m loving it. They tell me it’s going to snow tomorrow, but as long as it’s 55 or warmer on Saturday, I’m putting the top down all the way to Santa Fe, where I’ll be visiting the Ten Thousand Waves Spa. Yay!

5. I don’t know that I want to be shopping at Forever 21 anymore after reading this story. Then again, it just might be the case that I’m a little, uh, old to be shopping there anyhow.

6. I’m glad I stopped drinking whiskey before I drank some that tasted like urine and lost my job.

7. Ever heard of the Chicago Barbies? Grab some Pellegrino and prepare to snort out your nose reading about them. I’m glad to say I defy categorization — at least when it comes to this list!

8. Janet Jackson and the whole S&M thing? Maybe I should get Slavegirl her new album for Valentine’s Day?

9. I am so fucking tired of otherwise intelligent people claiming that we shouldn’t vote for Obama because he will get assassinated as the first black president. First of all, he’s mixed-race. Second of all, what the fuck does that say about the first woman president? As if THAT wouldn’t cause all sorts of discontent among the masses? It’s like, uh, okay, we can’t have a black president because that would be TOO different, but a woman from the establishment is okay because she is still WHITE?

10. This Onion story cracked me up. HILARIOUS stuff, people.

11. For those keeping track, I wouldn’t mind an America’s Next Top Model doll. [My birthday is in August…]

12. I don’t know whether I hate or love the idea of a Shaming Diet Doll, but it’s interesting that I can’t decide which.

13. For some of the best writing about porn ever, check out Reverse Cowgirl’s A Porn Valley Story.

14. Whoever came up with the idea to represent the world’s subway systems on the same scale, I love you! It’s fascinating just to see it all laid out like that. And it’s a visual confirmation of just how regretfully inadequate the Chicago subway system is for a city of our size and breadth.