old (2008), Uncategorized

sometimes, i’m a random person

1. I threw up in my mouth just a little when I heard that Joe Francis is coming out with a magazine version of Girls Gone Wild. That guy gives me the creeps, and the fact so many people defend what he’s doing under the pretenses that the girls “give consent” infuriates me.

2. Jezebel is one of my favorite not-so-guilty pleasures — a way to get celebrity gossip, fashion news, and all things cultural with a feminist pop culture twist — and so I’m ticked pink they break the news to me about such things as Tyra addressing sexual squashing fetishes. Too bad I’m done having babies, or else I’d totally name my next kid Jezebel.

3. At the age of 34, you’d think I would have learned my lesson, but at least twice a month I’m sniffing around my apartment trying to figure out what died only to do the dishes and realize, oh, yeah, the dishes are what stinks.

4. Far be it from me to be a pessimist (it goes against the grain of my DNA, I think), but reading that Neil Young has decided that music can’t change a damn thing leaves me feeling a bit demoralized. Not that I really expected music to do much of anything, especially since I grew up as part of the We Are the World generation that saw how getting a bunch of stars together didn’t do much other than give us some great 80s video in which we can see how funny everyone’s dressed. But still. I had at least a little bit of hope. Thanks, Neil Young, for dashing it. Sniffle.

5. And to add insult to musical injury… XRT is getting all fucked up by CBS, which means it’s only a matter of time before it turns into 101.9 and I’m stuck listening to Pandora.com or finally springing for a Sirius radio in order to hear music that isn’t a canned bunch of crap that the industry is trying to shove down my throat. Yeah, I’m pissed.

6. Is it wrong that I want a boyfriend pillow?

7. If you haven’t yet read Waiter Rant, then please do so. Maybe it will get all you cheapskates to tip a little bit better, too?

8. I want to be Diana Athill when I’m 90 years old.

9. I will dig my eyeballs out of my head without anesthesia using a dull knife before I buy BungGlow 8. I don’t even want to ask any of my friends if they are worried about the color of their assholes… I think if they admitted it were an issue, that would seriously damage our friendship.

10. It’s a sad thing that I’ll be missing Whisky Fest this year, but who am I kidding? I probably would have ended up singing karaoke, getting naked, trying to hit on a 60-year-old man smoking a cigar, and been banned for life from all future Malt Advocate Whisky Society events.

11. I am finally glad the thong isn’t in style anymore so I can stop getting lumped into a “trend” of sorts. Fact is, I’ve been wearing them consistently since 1991, even throughout my pregnancies. And let me tell you — even though that article says boy shorts or whatever are just as comfortable and avoid Visible Panty Lines just as well, that article is WRONG. Well, if you have a large ass (as I do), then the VPL problem still exists with boy shorts and then you feel as though there’s a piece of fabric the size of Montana stuck up your ass.

12. Seeing these funky Valentine’s ideas makes me wanna move to New York City for Valentine’s Day. Too bad I’ll be in Albuquerque this year, which is probably the antithesis of the Big Apple, hanging out with Deadheads (ditto).

13. You know that feeling you get when you go to the fridge for another beer and you get there and, what the fuck? where did that last beer go? Well, that happened to me a little while ago. Except it wasn’t beer, it was Pellegrino. And I was even more sad.