Other than that… the knee is coming along fine, which is both good and bad. It’s good in that I’m not in a lot of pain, but the REASON I’m not in a lot of pain has a lot to do with the fact that for about 97% of my waking hours, I’m sitting on my couch, either working (with my legs up on the coffee table — I know, not particularly ergonomically correct…) or watching television (reclining with my legs propped up on the entertainment center or bookshelf). It’s not as though in my day-to-day life I’m particularly ambulatory. So what happens: I leave the house thinking, Ah, my knee is FINE and I don’t need my crutches; I’ll use my cane. And I go to school and/or a meeting and/or Target (a store to which I believe I am officially addicted at this point) and by the time I get home I don’t quite know if I’ll be able to walk up the stairs. But then I rest sufficiently and I get amnesia ala alcoholism and leave the house the next day convinced that I still don’t need my crutches. And so, yeah, I’m glad I’m not in constant pain, but I don’t know if that’s because I’m healing quickly or because I’m an idiot. Or both.
Turns out that having a bad day doesn’t mean my life is horrible — it means I had a bad day. And today I woke up and took steps to start fixing my life, including setting up an appointment with an attorney on Monday, drafting a letter to The Philosopher (which I won’t send until after speaking with the lawyer) announcing my intentions to cut him off financially (which means I’ll be paying him a fair amount rather than subsidizing his life), and cleaning out my car (well, part of it anyhow) since he’s bought his own (after driving mine for almost three years after I told him I wanted out of our relationship). And I think a fair amount of the resentment I feel toward him is about all of these things, but the fact of the matter is that I have been allowing this to go on for as long as it has, and can I really blame him for something in which I’ve been a willing participant? Well, I can, to some extent, but about 90% of it is on me, and so now I’m taking charge of that — to the extent that I am able to do so without risking my sobriety. Yay for me, I s’pose. We’ll see what the attorney has to say on Monday. Until then, I’m not even telling him I’m seeing her, because all that will do is up the drama quotient.