old (2007), Uncategorized

rolling along…

It’s been 55 days today & I’ve been having those feelings I’ve had periodically… the ones where I think, Well, things are going pretty well, so maybe this means I’m not really an alcoholic and I can stop going to meetings. But because I am at least sane enough to not listen to myself (most of the time) I’ve been forcing myself to keep going to meetings — even though it’s probably the last thing in the world I really want to be doing.

I went to two meetings today, and at both of them I was pleasantly surprised. In the first one, I heard the rather inspiring story of a 71-year-old man who’s struggled with relapsing again and again over the past 20 years and whose latest sobriety date is only five days before my own. At the second meeting — one I’ve been to before, but don’t usually attend, since A. teaches on Wed nights — I walked in to see the room filled with people I know, including C. and J. (who are perpetually helpful sober role models).

There isn’t any reason to quit now, other than that I want to… and that’s part of my overall problem, this abandoning things because they get boring or I get impatient or I just don’t want to commit to much of anything. So I’m not going to stop… I’ll be at a meeting in the morning, and at my usual one on Friday, and then more over the weekend… and on Monday I’ll celebrate 60 days. The days, they just keep on rolling… and I need to remember to stay vigilant and keep on top of things, even if I don’t feel like it.