old (2007), Uncategorized


Random unsolicited conversation at a Wrigleyville sports bar with a rotund short woman wearing a Phillies jersey and a Phillies hat and a red foam No. 1 finger

Random Woman: Are you two getting married?

Me: No, he’s my brother.

RW: Are you from here?

Me: Yes.

RW: Are you sure? You don’t sound like you’re from here.

Me: Well, I wasn’t born in this bar.

RW: Funny.

Me: We grew up in the suburbs.

RW: I don’t believe you.

Me: I don’t guess you have to.

RW: So, then, are you like Jack and Kelly Osborne?

Me: Huh?

RW: You know, you’re the crazy sister with tattoos and piercings and funny hair and your brother is the normal one.

Me: You do realize you’re the one who looks like a troll who was molested by the Phillies fan club, right?

RW: Uh, yeah. I’m going to talk to your brother. He seems nicer.

Me: You’re exactly right.


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